1 Year

1 year... 52 weeks... 365 days... 8760 hours... 525,600 minutes...

One year ago today I randomly decided to walk into a Weight Watchers meeting.  One year ago today I was at my highest weight ever and beyond embarrassed.  One year ago today I was scared about going to the doctors office for a physical for fear of what that results may be.

Today I can say with pride that I have lost 40lbs.  Today I enjoy being active and going to the gym.  Today I am healthier than I have been in a long time.  Today is a new day on my journey.

While I know I didn't meet my goal of 52lbs in 52 weeks, I can't beat myself up too badly.  40lbs is nothing to snub your nose at...  Plus, it's a journey, not a race.

And if you were to look at my WW weight record, it probably looks just like this.  I've been gaining and losing the same 2lbs since mid January.  I haven't given up, but I haven't been as dedicated as I once was.  Life has gotten in the way, and thrown me quite a few curve-balls that I'm learning to deal with.  Regardless, I'm finally figuring out a routine of sorts so I hope to get past this crazy plateau that I'm hanging out on. 

This next year is going to be a good one... I can feel it.  And with the support of my amazing family and friends it's going to be even better.

So - let's do this... and welcome to year 2 of My Journey to Happy and Healthy!!

Eating Disorders and Personal thoughts

It was brought to my attention today that this week is National Eating Disorders Week.  Now while I agree that every week is some other kinda of awareness week... this one makes sense to me - hits a little closer to home.  Now, while I do not have an eating disorder, or at least not that I know of, I can follow the mentality of those who do.

Society's image of what is acceptable has most definitely caused much harm in how one treats their body. I don't think that eating disorders are all about body image, but moreso about self-worth or self-esteem.  Now that's something I know about, or rather the lack of...

For as long as I can remember, I never thought I was pretty.  I wasn't really part of any particular group or clique in high school or college, but I was friends with most everyone.  I was that girl with the good personality... not the pretty girl. I never had many boyfriends, but when I did, I would hold on to them until it was unhealthy because I didn't think I was good enough or pretty enough for anyone else.  I always attributed this to being overweight.  Fashion and clothing was always a big thing for me since I grew up with my grandmother living with us and she was a seamstress.  All the new styles and trends were always a topic of conversation in my house. Not being able to fit into 90% of those styles was always in the back of my mind.  So growing up overweight, and it constantly being shoved in your face that you don't "fit in", I can see where someone might go to extremes to achieve that acceptance.  While this is completely unhealthy, its a sad but true fact.

While I, personally, have grown out of most of those feelings, many people can't without help.  I still have days where I don't think I'm pretty, but those are few and further between.  I try to remind myself of all the accomplishments and successes I've had so far, and not let myself get bogged down in the numbers or how much I have left to go.

The past few weeks have been a struggle for me weight wise.  I've kinda plateaued, losing and gaining the same 2lbs.  I'm also obsessing about the scale, getting on it everyday - multiple times a day.  I know it's not all about the number, but when that number isn't moving, it gets frustrating.   I'm going to try to clean out my closet over the next few days to help me visualize what doesn't fit, so I can SEE that what I am doing is worth it.

This post is kind of all over the place, but I really just wanted to shed light on the fact that not everyone who is overweight is just fat and loves to eat fast food.  There are serious disorders that they may be facing.  You should never judge anyone, because you never know what their struggles are.

Also, if you, or someone you know may be fighting an eating disorder, please visit My Body Screening for more information

You win some... you lose some.

I've been meaning to post since last Tuesday and just haven't had a chance.  I went to WW on Monday and ended up gaining 1.4lbs.  I knew I was going to gain - I just was hoping it wasn't that much.  I do this every time I hit some kind of milestone.  I hit the milestone and that following week I throw all caution to the wind and end up gaining the following week.  I've got to break that cycle somehow.  But even though I gained, I tried to not let it get me too down and just keep moving forward with what I know is the right thing to do.

Although, I did have a great NSV (non-scale victory) on Tuesday!  When I woke up that morning I found out that I had a negotiation meeting scheduled with the Government that same day.  In my head I figured out that I would wear a pant suit that I had gotten about a year ago and had really only worn once.  I put the pants on and noticed they were definitely big, but I could roll them at the waist and it wasn't so bad...  but then I put the jacket on.  It was HUGE!  It made me look like a linebacker and 10x bigger than I actually am!  I quickly had to figure out something else to wear because it just wasn't even presentable!  I went through two more pairs of pants and another blouse before I could find something in my closet that was presentable for this Government meeting!  It really gave me the affirmation that all the hard work does pay off... and that it's time to go shopping! :):)

I've been on vacation in Atlanta since Thursday evening and the eating hasn't been the greatest.  I'll also be missing my WW meeting because we won't get back in town in time.  Regardless, I think I'm going to need this week to purge myself of the badness that this weekend has entailed!!!

Oh well - back on the wagon and back to the grind!!

I did it!!!

After 3 long weeks of trying to lose one pound to hit one of many goals... I finally did it this past week.  I weighed in last night and lost 1.4lbs for a total of 40.8lbs lost!!

I'm so excited.  I've still got a long ways to go, but so far it's been awesome.  I can't really tell a difference in the way I look day in and day out, but I can tell a difference in my energy and the things I can do now that are much easier and less laborious, which is awesome!  Even in Zumba - while I'm still ridiculously tired after class - partly because it's 6:15AM and partly because Annette, my instructor, worked our butts off - it's not as hard anymore.  But for more motivation for those next 11.2lbs (remember, my goal of 52lbs in 52 weeks), I made the below comparison.  NOW I see it! :)

Immediate goal

While sitting at my parents house, I decided that by April 8th, I wanted to lose 15.2lbs.  That would mean that I would have lost 52 lbs in 52 weeks or 1 year!!! 

This also means that I have to lose on average of 1.2lbs a week for the next 13 weeks.  It'll be tight, but I think it's totally doable!

LET'S DO THIS!!!

Life

Life has thrown me quite a few curve balls over the last month.  I take that back - Life is testing me to my absolute limits, or at least that's how it feels. Without delving too deep, let's just say that I've had many more lows than highs over the holidays.  But even still - I've tried to maintain focus on my weight loss.  I managed to lose weight over the holidays which is always a struggle, but I lost about 3.5lbs since Thanksgiving.  Nothing huge - but it's better than gaining. 

I'm more focused and determined to make this my year.  I'm going to continue on my journey of weight loss.  I've started working out again - thankfully the early morning Zumba/Circuit/TurboKick classes are back!!  I'm going to work on mentally making myself a better person.  I want to get back into a church family.  And the most scary - I'm going to start my MBA.  I've been talking about it for over a year and the time has come to just make it happen.

So what are your goals for this year?

A month... really?!

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted!  Weight wise, things have been kind of uneventful.  I gained for two weeks, and then lost for two weeks.  I did manage to lose over the Thanksgiving weekend, so that was a plus!  I'm down a total of 35.4lbs which is exciting.  Another exciting thing is that I'm officially down a pants size.  I was pushing the limit on what I was wearing before so it took a little while to have those fit comfortably, then be too big, then still not fit into the next size down, etc.  But I had to go shopping for jeans before my Thanksgiving trip and I'm officially a size down!  YAY!

The process is going much slower at this point, but that's mostly my fault.  I haven't been diligently tracking like I was in the beginning, and I have barely worked out this past month.  (I need my 6AM Zumba class back desperately!!)  But I am noticing lifestyle changes that are just becoming part of normal routines.  Making better choices at restaurants... choosing to go for walks... and just overall more energy.

I always do comparison pictures to motivate myself to keep going.  Here's the latest one:

I'm definitely going to need the motivation and keeping the end in sight over the next week or so.  Saturday we leave for a 5 day cruise to Key West and the Bahamas.  Cruises tend to be all about food!!  I'm going to take my sneakers and some workout clothes and try to at least go for walks at some point during the day.  I'm going to have to somehow combat the ridiculous amounts of food I will be consuming!  Pray for me!!! :)

Inspiring

So the past few times I've been to Zumba, my knee has been hurting.  I had a fleeting thought that maybe I needed a break.  Then I realized that I can't stop - because if I do, I won't start again.  I know myself.  So now I'm looking into a knee brace.

Then I saw this video:

Now I really won't stop.  Never give up!!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. ~Phil 4:13

ME!!!

Still on my high from last night...  so I made a comparison picture!  Loving the change!

Whoop, Whoop!!

You guys!!!! I went to WW tonight and not only did I lose 2lbs this week, but I hit my first 30 lbs gone!!!!   I can't tell you how excited I am right now.  I've done WW multiple times in the past, and this is the first time I've lost a whole 30lbs... I've come close in the past but never actually hit it! Whoop Whoop!!

And - for hitting my 10% (a few weeks ago) and my first 25lbs I got this:

WW is also doing a Lose for Good challenge and someone wins a little prize every week.  Well, this week, a lifetime member won this magnetic before and after frame, that also had inspirational words.  After the class she came up to me and asked me if I wanted it for doing so good thus far - and since she's already at goal and lifetime she didn't really need it.  She was soooo sweet.  I need to print out some before and current pictures, but I did put up some of the inspirational words...

 So excited for the next steps and goals... but that's for another post! :)

Calling it like I see it...

As I was gently reminded this weekend - I've been neglecting these parts recently.  First off - sorry for the silence the last few weeks... LOTS of stuff happened, to include being sick for a few days!  Work has been beyond hectic and I don't really feel like I'm keeping my head above water anymore.  I can't wait for Sept. 16th...  that's the day we turn in our current proposal that I'm working on, so hopefully after things will be more manageable! 

My weight loss has been kinda all over recently.  I missed a weigh in because of being sick, and then last week when I weighed in I gained 1.4lbs.  I wasn't happy to say the least, but I wasn't tooooo disappointed either because of the circumstances.  Before the weigh in I hadn't been working out because of being sick, and to be honest, I wasn't tracking.  I kinda lost focus of me and my health due to personal situations, but I can't give up.  And - this was only the second time since April that I've gained, so I can't beat myself up too badly!

But here I am....  keeping myself accountable.  I have to keep at it - and I've realize that if I'm not posting here, I'm not keeping myself accountable in tracking and eating either, so it's imperative that I keep writing here.  I can't let life take over to the point where I stop taking care of myself.  I have to take care of me....  I like me! :)

A lot of stuff... but not really.

It seems like there has been a lot going on, but if you ask me what, I couldn't tell you!  We finally finished the proposal that has been taking over my life.  Well, not really, I'm being dramatic, but I wasn't able to go to lunch for the past 2 months because we always had meetings at 11AM and 12PM, so no lunch for me! At least no lunch out...don't worry I still ate! :)

Ryan is out working in Winter Haven, so I've been trying to keep myself occupied.  It's amazing how big an 1100 sq ft house can feel when 1 person isn't there!  Thankfully the herd is keeping me company! 

I'm still having success at WW.  I weighed in on Monday at lost another 1.2lbs, so that make my total 22.2lbs!  I finally am seeing and feeling it, and it's making me really happy.  I put on an outfit yesterday that didn't quite fit back during Thanksgiving, but yesterday it was perfect!  Total non scale victory (NSV) for me!

I feel like there is so much more to say, but the words just aren't there... so on that note, til' next time!

Surprising Changes

I was just cruising through some pictures and found a picture of me from one of my bestie's baby shower.  The difference from then (February) to now was VERY apparent to me, so I figured I'd post it here to let you guys see it too.

And to think this is only 12 weeks and 15.8lbs later...  can you imagine what it's going to look like 6 months, or even a year later?!

So excited for this journey!

Secrets

We all have secrets, some deeper than others.  I look forward to Monday blog reading because I know a new edition of PostSecret is there.   Some of the secrets make me really sad, some are horrifying, and others resonate with me - like this one posted this week:

 I've mentioned it before on always feeling judged, and this secret just reaffirms that I'm not alone in my feeling.  I know I'm making progress, and that no one in my Zumba class is probably even looking at me, but there are days that I am SOOOO self-conscious of how I look.  Today was one of those days.  There really wasn't anything different about how I looked - I was wearing my standard workout gear, hair pulled back, etc... but I just felt fat and self-conscious!  I kept tugging at my shirt, hoping to hide some of the rolls, but every time I moved they just kept creeping back into view.  Sucks!

The good thing is that I didn't let it stop me... I was up at the crack of dawn and there, so I figured I better make the best of it, even if I didn't like looking at myself!  I made it through class, and went home and just stared at myself in the full length mirror.  Boy, do I have a long way to go before I am happy with what I see, but you know what...  I can see the difference from where I started - so that's a plus, right!?

Small Update

I feel like I haven't really had much going on this past week - but yet I've been busy!  Don't ask me what I've been busy with - because I probably couldn't tell ya, but I swear, I've been busy!! :)

This weekend was kind of a disaster food wise!  I did a lot of mindless eating, and then had some amazing burger and fries from BurgerFi on Sunday.  I did workout consistently over the week and weekend, so I think that helped because I did manage to lose 0.6lbs this week.  Not a whole lot, but still a loss, considering!

I'm trying to be more conscious of what I eat this week and try not to eat just because it's there.  Or just make slightly better choices.  Example, last night I made Philly Cheesesteaks for dinner, but instead of putting mine on a big ol' hoagie roll, I ate all the fixin's but no bun.  I can honestly say I didn't miss the bread...  and that's huge for me because I'm the biggest bread lover you can find!

So -  onto a week of better choices and bigger loss!!

Moment

And I do!

Body Change

I went to visit my parents this weekend and was looking at some pictures from two weeks ago where we celebrated my mom's birthday, and I immediately noticed a difference in how I look from the pictures that were taken earlier that day.  Although the pounds aren't dropping as quickly as I would hope, my body is changing and shrinking by the day!  That's a total win in my book!  So I decided to do a quick comparison to a picture of right before I started on this journey...

The picture on the left was taken on April 7th, at a car show with my parents and my in-laws.  The next day I weighed in at WW, got my ActiveLink, and started going to Zumba that week.  The picture on the right was taken yesterday (June 16th).  I'm not as puffy, and my face doesn't look as rounded.  Let's be frank - I've still got a lot to go, and I'll never get rid of the rounded face and big cheeks, but I'm slowly starting to see the person I want to be...  will be!

Exciting stuff, ya'll!!  Tonight's my weigh-in so good thoughts my way... I'm sure I'll keep you updated on the results!

Encouragement

I just read a Dear Abby column (don't judge!) where someone who is overweight and has to lose over 50 lbs was walking with a friend and was ridiculed by a passerby.  This post brought me to tears (which isn't hard, but that's besides the point) because I know all too well how hard it is when you are overweight to exercise - and then when you do, you get made fun of!!

It's easy for people to tell you to brush off people's comments, but when you are overweight and self-conscious about it, words hurt more than anything else.  I still remember being made fun of in middle and high school.  The hurtful comments from classmates have never left.  Even comments from family or friends who love you, which aren't meant to be malicious, leave hurtful impressions. I know what it feels like going to a party or get together with family and/or friends and barely eating because you feel like you are being judged because, "Look at the fat girl - look at what/how much she's eating".  Regardless of if anyone is thinking that or not... that's how we feel because of those hurtful words in the past come creeping back in when you least expect it.

I've finally come to a place in my life where I know the family and friends I surround myself with love me for me, and don't judge when I eat a big ol' burger, or pizza.  But I've also come to a point in my life where I'm ready to make a change.  I've started WW for the 500th time (it seems), and this time making a real go at it and I've started exercising.  And to be completely honest...  the strangers at the Zumba and TurboKick classes are the most encouraging about exercise.  I'm without a doubt the biggest girl in the class, but everyone tells me how great I'm doing.  I remember a specific lady in class - I have no idea what her name is, and I don't even know if I've seen her again - but she made a point to come over to me during class and tell me, "Keep it up - you are kickin' butt!!"  Those words, whether she knows it or not, have kept me going back and feeling good about myself.  

So this is  me...  a big girl, making a fool of herself during Zumba or TurboKick, but having fun and keeping at it in order to continue my journey to happy and healthy!

The Beginning

Never did I think I would start/write a blog. I'm a reader - not a writer. After some thinking, and some pushing *ahem, Heather*, here I am. This is my little space in the Interwebs to call my own and talk about life, weight loss, recipes, working out, and everything and anything in between. 

A little about me, in bullets, because it's easier: 
~ 32 years old 
~ Married - Hubby = Ryan 
~ No Kids - nor do we plan on it. 
~ 2 Dogs and 1 Cat 
~ Live in Orlando, FL 
~ 1st generation Cuban American 
~ Visited Cuba in 2008 - one of the greatest trips I've taken. 
~ Love my family dearly 
~ Love my friends immensely (they are my chosen family!) 
~ Work in government contracting 
~ Love to read 
~ LOVE puzzles (although I never have time for them) 
~ Going to start my MBA soon (thinking June!) 
~ Weight Watchers member 
~ Always searching for new recipes 
~ Social Network addict (I love me some FB, Pinterest, Instagram, etc.) 
~ Been overweight all my life, but finally doing something about it (for realz this time!) 
~ On a never-ending journey to be happy and healthy  

Hubby & I - Christmas 2012

Here is to hoping that I can keep updating and let you peek into my life and journey!