Eating Disorders and Personal thoughts

It was brought to my attention today that this week is National Eating Disorders Week.  Now while I agree that every week is some other kinda of awareness week... this one makes sense to me - hits a little closer to home.  Now, while I do not have an eating disorder, or at least not that I know of, I can follow the mentality of those who do.

Society's image of what is acceptable has most definitely caused much harm in how one treats their body. I don't think that eating disorders are all about body image, but moreso about self-worth or self-esteem.  Now that's something I know about, or rather the lack of...

For as long as I can remember, I never thought I was pretty.  I wasn't really part of any particular group or clique in high school or college, but I was friends with most everyone.  I was that girl with the good personality... not the pretty girl. I never had many boyfriends, but when I did, I would hold on to them until it was unhealthy because I didn't think I was good enough or pretty enough for anyone else.  I always attributed this to being overweight.  Fashion and clothing was always a big thing for me since I grew up with my grandmother living with us and she was a seamstress.  All the new styles and trends were always a topic of conversation in my house. Not being able to fit into 90% of those styles was always in the back of my mind.  So growing up overweight, and it constantly being shoved in your face that you don't "fit in", I can see where someone might go to extremes to achieve that acceptance.  While this is completely unhealthy, its a sad but true fact.

While I, personally, have grown out of most of those feelings, many people can't without help.  I still have days where I don't think I'm pretty, but those are few and further between.  I try to remind myself of all the accomplishments and successes I've had so far, and not let myself get bogged down in the numbers or how much I have left to go.

The past few weeks have been a struggle for me weight wise.  I've kinda plateaued, losing and gaining the same 2lbs.  I'm also obsessing about the scale, getting on it everyday - multiple times a day.  I know it's not all about the number, but when that number isn't moving, it gets frustrating.   I'm going to try to clean out my closet over the next few days to help me visualize what doesn't fit, so I can SEE that what I am doing is worth it.

This post is kind of all over the place, but I really just wanted to shed light on the fact that not everyone who is overweight is just fat and loves to eat fast food.  There are serious disorders that they may be facing.  You should never judge anyone, because you never know what their struggles are.

Also, if you, or someone you know may be fighting an eating disorder, please visit My Body Screening for more information

You win some... you lose some.

I've been meaning to post since last Tuesday and just haven't had a chance.  I went to WW on Monday and ended up gaining 1.4lbs.  I knew I was going to gain - I just was hoping it wasn't that much.  I do this every time I hit some kind of milestone.  I hit the milestone and that following week I throw all caution to the wind and end up gaining the following week.  I've got to break that cycle somehow.  But even though I gained, I tried to not let it get me too down and just keep moving forward with what I know is the right thing to do.

Although, I did have a great NSV (non-scale victory) on Tuesday!  When I woke up that morning I found out that I had a negotiation meeting scheduled with the Government that same day.  In my head I figured out that I would wear a pant suit that I had gotten about a year ago and had really only worn once.  I put the pants on and noticed they were definitely big, but I could roll them at the waist and it wasn't so bad...  but then I put the jacket on.  It was HUGE!  It made me look like a linebacker and 10x bigger than I actually am!  I quickly had to figure out something else to wear because it just wasn't even presentable!  I went through two more pairs of pants and another blouse before I could find something in my closet that was presentable for this Government meeting!  It really gave me the affirmation that all the hard work does pay off... and that it's time to go shopping! :):)

I've been on vacation in Atlanta since Thursday evening and the eating hasn't been the greatest.  I'll also be missing my WW meeting because we won't get back in town in time.  Regardless, I think I'm going to need this week to purge myself of the badness that this weekend has entailed!!!

Oh well - back on the wagon and back to the grind!!

I did it!!!

After 3 long weeks of trying to lose one pound to hit one of many goals... I finally did it this past week.  I weighed in last night and lost 1.4lbs for a total of 40.8lbs lost!!

I'm so excited.  I've still got a long ways to go, but so far it's been awesome.  I can't really tell a difference in the way I look day in and day out, but I can tell a difference in my energy and the things I can do now that are much easier and less laborious, which is awesome!  Even in Zumba - while I'm still ridiculously tired after class - partly because it's 6:15AM and partly because Annette, my instructor, worked our butts off - it's not as hard anymore.  But for more motivation for those next 11.2lbs (remember, my goal of 52lbs in 52 weeks), I made the below comparison.  NOW I see it! :)